Lana vs Bathtime
by Foolsgold Fenrir
Summary: The Loud kids take on one of the most difficult and hijinx-filled chore in the house - getting Lana to take a bath. (Cover image provided by Lentex.)
1. Chapter 1

**(A/N): I'm sorry that I haven't added Chapter 6 of my other fanfic, "Full Moon Fever." Don't worry, it's still ongoing, I have not abandoned it, and it** ** _will_** **be updated as soon as I can. For now, I decided to write a shorter one to hold you guys over. (And because I felt like it.) Also, this was originally going to just be a one-shot, but the first part was getting kind of long by my usual chapter standards, so it'll actually end up being a two-parter. Anyway, enjoy!**

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Lana was doing what she loved doing the most - playing in a nice puddle of mud. After deciding she'd had enough romping in the mud for now, she walked back into the house, tracking mud on the carpet with each step she took. Surprisingly to her, the living room was empty. At first she figured that everyone would be in the hallway instead, except something seemed... off. The house was... what did other people call it again? Quiet? Yeah, and that was quite rare for the house that was known to live up to its name. And she couldn't recall seeing or hearing anybody leave the house that day, so what gives? "Okay, what's going on? It's not my birthday, and even if it was then Lola wouldn't be hiding too." No answer. She went upstairs, still tracking mud, and went into her and Lola's room. It was empty as well. The ball-capped girl simply shrugged and plopped on her bed, playing with a few of her many assorted pets.

The rest of the Loud kids were indeed home, but they were in Lori and Leni's room for a Sibling Meeting. One of the rare times the eldest sibling ever let anybody but her roommate, the second oldest sibling, into her room; the others avoided it as much as possible under the threat of being turned into a human pretzel. "Alright everyone, take your seats." she said, and they did exactly that - either on the two beds or on the floor. "Before we begin with our current meeting, may I read the minutes of our previous one?" Lisa asked, holding the list. "No." everyone replied. Lisa sighed and put the notes down. "Anyway, we are here today to discuss one of the chores that all 11, or well 10 since Lily's just a baby-" Lori started, only to be interrupted by the aforementioned infant to shout out an offended "Hey!" with as much force as a baby could manage. "Okay fine, that all 11 of us take part in. The chore in question is-" She paused dramatically.

"Getting Lana to take a bath."

Everyone else in the room gasped. Every week (or sometimes two weeks) on a random day (as to make sure Lana wouldn't expect it) the kids teamed up to get the lover of all filth to take a bath, which was something that didn't sit well with her. Sometimes it was somewhat easy if Lisa was stocked with tranquilizers that wear off in an hour, but most of the time they had to chase her around and deal with her hijinx. Even when they did manage to catch her, she often got away after either slipping from her captor's grasp, fighting back with all her might, or both. But hey, at least it was good exercise and gave them good teamwork skills. "So, before we begin, anyone got any suggestions for a plan?" Lori asked. "I could run experiments and alter her brain to make her more willing to take baths." Lisa suggested, holding up a few wires, a pair of tongs and some gloves. "No!" everyone shouted. "Eh, worth a shot." she shrugged. "I could just chase her down and carry her up to the bathroom." Lynn said. "Remember the last time you did that? When she was having lunch in a trashcan?" Linc asked. Lynn thought back to last week, when she had tried just that. The athlete had only been able to reach the first step of the stairs when she finally had to let her fellow tomboy go due to all the bites, scratches, punches and kicks she was receiving. Back to the present, Lynn had a distressed look on her face while clutching her left arm. "I'm surprised the bite on your left arm didn't get infected, with all the gross stuff Lana eats all the time!" Lola exclaimed. "Yeah, that one was particularly deep, dude." Luna added.

"What if we, like, ask really really nicely?" Leni asked. Everyone else shook their heads. "That little rascal doesn't listen to reasoning when it comes to baths." Lori replied with a sigh. Lily waved her arms and babbled some gibberish. Luan, who was sitting next to her, translated for the rest of them. "She says that maybe she could pelt her with dirty diapers until she agrees to take a bath." "Nah, that wouldn't work. Heck, she'd probably _like_ it." Lincoln replied. "Wait, what about when we tried tranquilizers some time ago?" Lynn asked. "As a matter of fact, I did place an order for a set of darts containing the tranquilizer drug." Lisa stated. "But I thought drugs were bad?" Leni asked, tilting her head in confusion. "While yes, many drugs can be very harmful, not all of them are. A drug is really any substance that creates an effect in the body or mind. In fact, all medicines that you take are drugs." the prodigy clarified. "Huh, that's cool." Leni replied cheerfully. "What about laughter, the best medicine?" Luan asked, giggling a bit. "Ah yes, I suppose it can be." Luna said with a smile. "Well then, it's settled. We'll tranq her so that we won't have to be mauled by a six year old. No offense, Lola." "None taken." And with that, Lori banged a high heel on her desk.

They all walked out of the room, only to bump into the one person they had been hoping to catch off-guard later on. "Uh... what were you all doing in Lori and Leni's room? And why aren't you human pretzels for going in there?" she asked. They froze up for a few seconds, trying to find an answer. "Uh... we were, um..." Lucy trailed off, not able to think of anything. "We were talking about frilly sparkly things, like dresses and princesses and all that. Nothing you would be interested in." Lola said quickly. "Really? Even you, Lynn?" she asked while squinting her eyes. "Uh... yeah. Totally, heh heh." Lynn lied as beads of sweat dripped from her forehead and she tugged at the collar of her shirt. "Hmm... sounds pretty fishy. What were you guys _really_ doing?" she inquired. She folded her arms and leaned forward. "W-what is this, an interrogation?" Her twin's nervousness was bright as day. "I guess so, yeah." The doorbell rang. Lana turned her head. "Who could that be?" Lori moved to the front of the crowd. "Well Lana, what we were really doing was... RUNNING TO THE FRONT DOOR!" she shouted and pointed, resulting in a stampede of 9 siblings running as fast as they could (while of course being careful on the stairs) with Luna now holding Lily. "What... why..." But regardless, she followed suit as fast as she could as well, although on all fours. The 10 others arrived slightly sooner, and Lisa opened the door to see a drone holding a package. "Take my money!" she frantically shouted and threw the payment at the drone, quickly snatching the package. She slammed the door shut. Lana stopped to see what was up. "Hey, who's it for? What is it? Can I see?" she asked.

"Sorry, but no. It's not for you." Lori replied. "Why? Is it Lynn's sports magazines or something? For some reason she doesn't want me to read those." Lynn put her arms tightly to her side as her cheeks turned red with embarrassment. "NO, it's not that at all!" she hastily replied. "Well then, what is it?" "Like she said, it ain't for you. Sorry, sis." To everyone else's surprise, Luna then opened the box, took out the tranquilizer gun and started pulling the trigger. Nothing happened. "Um... what are you doing...?" Lana asked, who had ducked as soon as she took it out. "Oh, right, forgot to load the thing." Luna sheepishly said. The others sans Lana (who was grateful) shot a glare at her. "Well, I figured we'd get it over with as quickly as possible." she replied while putting the tranquilizer darts into it. It was then that she knew what was going on, she recognized those from the last time they used them. "I'm not taking a bath!" she shouted and ran off as fast as she could. Luna fired all 5 shots in it, all of which hit the wall.

"Dang it!" everyone shouted. "And with that you just wasted a third of all the darts in the entire package." Lisa growled. "But we still have more, it's not like I used _all_ of our ammo, dude." She reloaded the gun again. "Well then..." Lori stated.

"We've got a sister to catch." "This is going to be painful." Lynn added in. They nodded, and ran after the escaping mud-lover.


	2. Chapter 2

**(A/N):** **Welp, I finally finished this thing. Hopefully I'll update Full Moon Fever soon as well, but I can't say for sure when exactly that will be. Also, you may notice that the way I wrote this was slightly different; I do in fact read every single one of your reviews, so thank you for giving me suggestions. One of them especially helped me make this easier to read. So again, thank you.**

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The first to approach Lana was Lori herself. She was in the twins' room scouting the place. Eventually she found her under her bed, with a scowl on her face as soon as she saw her.

"Lana, you can't stay under there forever. You're going to have to come out eventually." Lori said.

"Well I'm just gonna stay here 'til you stop trying to get me to take a bath!"

"That literally isn't an option. Either you come out yourself or I'm going to have to pull you out myself." She reached her hand out to the 6-year-old. She only replied with a catlike hiss.

"Fine, if that's the way it's gonna be, then I'll just have to take away your pets." The teen made her way towards one of the terrariums, the one that had Hops in it. That statement alone was enough to make Lana's blood boil, and so she got out from under the bed. This was what Lori was hoping for, but what she _didn't_ expect was for her to full on charge at her, growling all the while.

 **Smash Cut to Lori and Leni's room...**

The rest of the siblings were around the eldest sibling as she was applying a healing cream to one of the scratches on her face. There were plenty of them there as well as on her arms, and even a bite mark on her right hand.

"You usually know better than to threaten Lana's pets, what got into you?" Lynn demanded, handing over a band-aid.

"I don't know... I couldn't think of a better way to get her out from under the bed, and I thought she would wait a little bit before going literally ape-" she replied, before getting cut off by Lincoln.

"Hey, remember that Lily's here! We don't want a repeat of that time she had an interview to get into a daycare, right?" They all shook their heads, except for Lily who just giggled a little.

"I'll go. Can someone, like, give me the shooty thing?" Leni asked. Luna handed it over with a quick "sure." After saying thanks, she searched for the little girl who had just mauled someone a few minutes ago. She was still in her room, though now playing with Hops. Leni didn't bother introducing herself. Lana didn't even notice her there. What _Leni_ didn't notice, however, was that the gun was pointed at herself, and she didn't find out until the dart had already hit her shoulder. And with that, she fell over fast asleep.

The 6-year-old turned her head to the direction of the noise, her face riddled with confusion and a bit of shock. She knew that they would keep on trying to get at her in here if she stayed in the room, so she slowly walked out, sidestepping away from her sleeping sister.

Lana was then sitting on the couch in the living room, watching a show about dinosaur superheroes battling it out with some raptor villains. Lynn walked in with her arms crossed.

"Hey, Lana." she greeted.

"What do you want, Lynn? I'm not taking a bath." she replied with a scowl.

"Don't worry, I won't. I bet you can't beat me in a race, though." Lynn said with a smirk that looked like it fit more than just a proposition for a simple challenge. Lana raised an eyebrow.

"Oh really? And where are we racing?" she questioned.

"To the bathroom."

"Well, I'm about to prove you wrong." She hopped off the couch, paused the episode, and the two started off. Lynn was much faster than her, but kept behind to make sure her plan would work. It doesn't really count as a loss if the "challenge" was only part of a trick, right? Lana did indeed get to the bathroom first, with Lynn coming in soon after.

"I beat Lynn-sanity!" she cheered and pumped a fist in the air. Lynn closed the door behind them. The bathtub was filled with water and some bubbles.

"Hey hold on, why are you closing the door?"

"Yeah about the race... that was a trick. Get in."

Lana stood her ground. "Not gonna happen." The athlete responded by simply picking her up and bringing her to the tub, despite what happened the last time she did that. She grabbed the sides of the wall to prevent herself from getting in.

"Hey wait, I just remembered! Dream Boat is starting!" she shouted, pointing toward the door.

"It is?!" Lynn quickly let go and made for the door, until she realized something.

"Hey, wait a minute... Dream Boat doesn't air on Saturdays!" As soon as she turned around, though, the other tomboy was nowhere in sight. After scanning the room quickly, she opened the door and walked out with a huff. Deeming that the coast was clear, Lana popped out from the backside of the toilet dripping wet. She got out and shook herself dry like a dog.

As she was about to go back to watch TV again, Lola and Luna spotted and chased after her. She quickly changed direction and headed straight to Lincoln's room. Thinking quickly, she activated the inflatable slide Lisa had installed out the window a while back. As she was sliding down she waved at the duo while sporting the cattiest of smiles. They were about to slide down as well until they noticed that there was a mud puddle right at the end of it.

"Get back in here this instant!" Lola yelled furiously.

"Hmm... nah." And she continued playing around in the mud. "You'll just have to get me yourselves. Unless you're afraid of getting your hands dirty, that is."

Lola opened her mouth to retort, but closed it again. "Uhh... _you_ go after her." The pageant diva started pushing Luna out the door.

"Okay okay, fine little dudette. I'll go." she replied, and headed for the front door while holding the tranquilizer gun. She was about to go outside when the gun got knocked out of her hands and the darts fell out. She noticed what the projectile was; it was a football. She turned her head to see Lynn smiling nervously.

"Lynn! Be careful!"

"Sorry about that, Lunes!" she replied and left the room to get another football.

Luna turned back only to notice that both the darts and the gun were now missing. _"Probably that little rascal..."_ she thought. She went back upstairs as she didn't have any backup plans. If only it wasn't ruined by that pigskin, she was sure it would work this time! Oh well, there has to be someone with another plan, right? And right she was.

Lori (whose face and arms were now covered in bandages) popped her head out of her room.

"Luna, come in here, we have another plan!" The rocker obliged and took a seat on the floor next to Lucy.

"So, what's the plan? Hopefully this'll be one that doesn't result in us getting bitten and scratched."

Lori turned to Luan. "Luan, you have the floor."

The comedian stood up. "Well you know how much Lana absolutely adores her reptiles, right?" Everyone nodded. "Well, what if we let her bring one of her lizards or something with her?" she suggested. Everyone else stared at her. Though finally, Lola spoke up.

"Look, I see where you're coming from, but I don't think something so simple would be enough." she stated.

"Sometimes the biggest problems have the simplest solutions." Linc replied.

"Besides, all of our other plans literally crashed and burned to the ground, so lets just give this one a try."

"Wait, I don't think any of our plans, like, used fire though." a now awake Leni said.

"Uhh, Leni, when I say "literally", I usually don't mean it, you know, literally."

"Oh."

"Well then, water we waiting for?" Luan threw her head back in laughter. "Get it?" The others all groaned at the pun.

"There it is, I was starting to think we would go through this entire incident without a pun, but now here we are." Lisa sighed, then got up. And with that, they started to look for Lana; which was actually pretty easy as they bumped right into her in the hallway.

"Ah, just the gal I was looking for!" Luan said in a chipper tone. "Before you run off, or attack us, please hear me out."

"This is about the bath, isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is. So, we were thinking that maybe you could bring one of your pets in with you so it'd at least be somewhat fun for you."

Lana scratched her chin in contemplation. "Hmm... that does sound like a good idea, actually... and I would really like to stop having to run away from you guys. For now, anyway..."

They were taken aback by how quickly things seemed to finally be going up for them.

"And you guys are the reason my tools are missing, right...?" She sounded a lot more annoyed right now.

Lucy popped up in front of the crowd, eliciting a yelp of surprise out of them all. "Yes, that was me. I hid them."

"In that case... I'll take the stupid bath, but on two conditions."

"Wait, two?" Leni asked.

"Yeah. One, I get my tools back right after it's over." The crowd nodded.

"And two... I get to turn it into a mud bath."

"No, that defeats the entire purpose." Lola stated bluntly.

"Fine, what about dinosaur toys?"

"Sure."

A few minutes later, Leni and Linc were holding all of the plastic dinosaur toys Lana had insisted on bringing while she herself was holding a large iguana and walking towards the bathroom.

"Oh by the way, guys, I forgot to tell you, but..." Lana said sheepishly.

"I dumped all of the soap into a hole in the backyard."


End file.
